***WARNING: SPOILER ALERT and GRAPHIC CONTENT***
10 Million Fans can’t be wrong, right? WRONG! Curiosity got the better of me, and against my better judgment I plunged into a genre (Erotic Romance) that I would NEVER touch. Remember my blog is titled Lit1001 not Crap101. But I perceived a national obsession and publishing phenomenon unlike any other (New York Times #1, 2, 3, 4 Bestsellers and this title #1 for 13 straight weeks, as of date of posting this critique!). But by the end of this first book of a trilogy, I am smarting with pain, much like the main character Ana.
I am at a total LOSS as to the source of its popularity. Have people lost their minds? Or more specially, the 30/40-something married suburban mothers. What could possibly be the attraction for this totally unrealistic, poorly written, clichéd soap opera of a book? And what’s with the title? No wait, we will have fun with it later!
Ok, let’s start with the beginning…..
How I First Heard of the BOOK
A good friend and I met at Chapters and I noticed the Vintage paperback trilogy (‘all the rage’) and I thought very little of it. The following evening at dinner with friends from Connecticut, the BOOK once again came up in a discussion as to whether it would make for an appropriate birthday gift. Why not, I wondered?
I meet my Chapters buddy a few days later, and he is now buying it too, and a woman ahead of us in the checkout line also is purchasing it. What is going on here? After learning some intriguing facts about the origins of the BOOK from my Chapters buddy, I decide to take the plunge and see what everyone is raving about. I should have been suspicious when a 50-something woman remarks to her husband when seeing the display for BOOK that it was a big disappointment and she had guessed the end well in advance. I should have listened to her!
Shocking Publishing Phenomenon
Recently, the 10 million copy threshold was reached for the trilogy, in e-book, Vintage paperback and audio-book format. 10 million!!! A colleague indicated that they were selling like hot-cakes (or is that hot wax?). I am puzzled, but have learned that e-readers have had liberating effect on women who ordinarily might have been embarrassed to read an Erotic or Romantic novel on the subway. Blame it on Kindle!!! In fact, Erotica is disproportionately purchased in e-format. OK, but this BOOK pushes the boundaries big time, and it is worrisome.
Definition of UNDISCERNING – indiscriminate reading habits!!!
‘BDSM’ Goes Mainstream
Before I read this BOOK, I had no idea what ‘BDSM’ stood for. I figured the SM as Sadism-Masochism, and if I understand correctly B is Bondage, D is Dominant/Submissive and SM we already covered. This acronym packs a wallop (pardon the pun!). So when did it become OK to go into excruciating details about this sub-culture. Did I really need to know about hard and soft limits (plugs, clamps, and wax –sounds like items at a hardware store!). The passages are so clinical and NOT sexy that it felt as though one were reading a how-to BDSM manual.
By why are the women readers so drawn into this? Is it their perceived submissive roles in their marriages? Do they REALLY want to trade places with Ana and be a sex slave? I don’t think so. Or is it the dawning realization that Ana (and by inference, themselves) actually have sexual power and control over men, especially in those first charged encounters? I don’t have an answer. Perhaps someone would be so kind as to enlighten me.
Cliché –Cliché: Where have we seen these Characters before?
The names and occupations may have changed, but it is the same tired stereotypes.
Corner A – Anastasia Steele: 21 year old insecure, naive, virgin and Literature student
Corner B – Christian Grey: 27 year old, abused, manipulative billionaire CEO control freak into kinky sex
Really, I couldn’t make it up if I tried!
Don’t be fooled, it is a modern day fairy tale retelling of the Beauty and the Beast (Grey’s kinky side not his looks), Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf (Freud would have a field day!) Or is it more like Cinderella and her Prince? How about Fabio and the helpless heroine? Pick your choice.
John’s Top 10 List – What the BOOK should be Titled
Let’s have some fun and change the title to reflect the true nature of the BOOK. Pick any letter at random, say ‘D.’ Change the letter and see you many words you can find to more aptly describe it.
10. Fifty Shades of ……. Disgusting
9. Fifty Shades of ……. Debasement
8. Fifty Shades of ……. Depressing
7. Fifty Shades of ……. Depraved
6. Fifty Shades of ……. Disturbing
5. Fifty Shades of ……. Dangerous
4. Fifty Shades of ……. Dull
3. Fifty Shades of ……. Disappointing
2. Fifty Shades of ……. Delusion
1. Fifty Shades of ……. Dribble***
***(thanks to AR for this choice word description)
Romantic and Sexy? No Blood Please!
How is it romantic when your ‘lover’ derives satisfaction by physically punishing you at every minor transgression? Also he declares upfront, “I don’t do the girlfriend thing” (p.47). Ana sees this as a challenge, thinking see can change him. RIGHT! And Christian is Mr. Sensitivity, “You’re a virgin? Why the f**k didn’t you tell me?” (p. 108).
How is it sexy when the ‘love ‘scenes are described in excruciating and disgusting clinical detail? Oh yeah, I forgot. Christian makes no allusions: “I don’t make love. I f**k … hard” (p.96). If it sounds like PORN, maybe it is PORN (or new category for dedicated readers of this trilogy, i.e. ‘Mommy PORN’). And no blood please for the squeamish at heart, like yours truly. Two truly disgusting scenes I wish I had NEVER read concern actions by Christian after Ana loses her virginity (p. 120) and while she is on her period (p.430, 432). UGHHH! Skip these if you can. You have been warned!
Oh by the way, a little bit of Reality please! Why is it that in these ‘Erotic Romance ‘novels, the hero is extremely well-endowed or ‘hung,’ has an insatiable appetite (“sex on legs” is what Ana calls him) and can make his partner climax at will? Or how is it that the inexperienced virgin heroine feels no pain when ‘making love’ the first time, but rather instantly reaches orgasm (then and every time afterwards), and gets an A in oral sex the first time she attempts it due to the fact that she has no gag reflex! Inquiring minds want to know!!!
Annoying Anastasia
Is it me, or does Ana drive you crazy. She sounds so juvenile with her internal expressions , “Holy F**k, Holy Cow, Crap, Holy Hell, Wow, Whoa” and that is just in the opening few chapters. I can’t stand all the cheesy passages describing her inner goddess and subconscious (reminds me of cartoons with the angel and devil on the character’s shoulders).
I get annoyed with her esteem issues and perhaps this tipped off Christian that she would be a perfect submissive. Opening line of BOOK, “I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror.” Closing line, “I curl up, desperately clutching that flat foil balloon and Taylor’s handkerchief, and surrender myself to my grief.”
What did she expect? To change a seriously messed up control freak with commitment issues… “50 shades of f**ked-up” (her words, not mine)? Transform the dark knight into the white knight? Rehabilitate the son of a crack whore who was molested by Mrs. Robinson at 15? To get MORE than a spanking from the relationship? Ana to the rescue! Seriously, this mindset is very irresponsible and can contribute to much real pain in people’s lives. Surprise Surprise. Icarus gets burned at the end of the BOOK. Soared to close to the Sun. Hmmmmm.
Comparisons to TESS
What infuriates me is how this BOOK pretentiously positions itself as ‘high-brow’ with its misguided references to ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles ‘by Thomas Hardy. Ana as the Literature student remarks ‘that woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong century’ (p.21). Ana, when confronted with a moral choice similar to the one in the Hardy novel, deliberately decides debasement (p.95). Ana does not heed Tess’ cry/warning from the novel “Why didn’t you tell me there was danger? Why didn’t you warn me?”(p.54). Does that mean that morality has shifted in the past 120 years, that Ana’s character by inference is that woman in the right place at the right time in the right century? I pray not!!!
Furthermore, when did this type of pornography became acceptable? Is this a sign of the times? Has the pendulum swung so far the other way? By comparison, the banned books of the past based on obscenity/sexual content charges (Fanny Hill, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Ulysses, Tropic of Cancer, Lolita etc.) appear rather tame by today’s standards.
To Read to Not to Read (Part 2 & 3)
This is a very easy answer for me. ABSOLUTELY NOT! The only reason I finished the first book is because I promised several intrigued friends (who had better sense to not read it) that I would be the guinea pig and write a review about a type of book I would never dare begin to read. Well at the midpoint of BOOK, I had lost complete interest and forced myself to read on. And it got WORSE as I approached the end.
I feel cheated when there is NO closure in a book, as in this case. I know nothing of the next two books in the series, but I can guess the series of events…… girl meets and loses messed-up boy (Book 1), girl goes back to same boy trying to work things out (Book 2), magically a truce is found and girl and boy live happily ever after … with their whips and handcuffs (Book 3). OOOHHH, How Sweet!!!!
I couldn’t care less what happens next!!! Although I am in the minority, it seems. Millions have already pre-purchased all three books at once. A marathon reading session of S+M Romance! NOT ME, thanks!!!
Final Thoughts
I can only say that I rarely have felt that reading any book has been a complete waste of time. In this case, it is a first for me. I not only lost (never to recover) precious time but also money ($18) when I could have instead purchased a completed used paperback collection of Hardy’s major novels and read Tess of the D’Urbervilles. Because Great Literature elevates and illuminates the human condition, while writing of this worst kind (50 Shades of Trash) merely diminishes and demeans!
OVERALL RATING: 0 on a scale of 1- 10 (worst of the worst!)
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